mellowed silence
yesterday at the swim meet i swam terribly, pulled myself out of the water, stumbled over to the diving well, and dove back into the water to coax the lactic acid out of my muscles (which was very stubborn and unwilling to co-operate). when it finally did, though, i got back out and sat on the bank by the wall, watching endless heats of 100 backstroke pass by. there was a time when i’d be overly upset about a swim like that, but now there’s just the need for a space before talking to earl–a slightly depressed, disappointed, quiet space–but no tears, no drama.
and then nickels walked slowly up, shoulders sagging, fresh out of the water from the last heat.
‘can i sit here with you for a bit?’
so i moved my runners and t-shirt so she’d have space. put my arm around her shoulder and her head collapsed onto mine and we sat in a depressed huddle on the floor, accompanied by the overpowering chlorine, the sounds of the whistle and splashings of swimmers in the diving well and pool, and the faint snatches of ‘rule the world’ echoing around the high ceiling.
now and again it’s wonderful to share the space with someone else who needs it–but eventually the space becomes indulgent, and so we stood and climbed up to the seating area to talk to earl.
and then the rest of the day was relaxing and enjoyable, spent leaning on the railing, writing frequencies and splits for earl, and talking to him, noel, nickels, laurentina, and darragh.
this morning is a soft, quiet morning, filled with biology diagrams and confusion over higher chemistry and reluctance to continue searching for my history syllabus, which has apparently disappeared.
the clouds this morning look like the sound of violin music and the cherry blossom outside is full of tiny pink flowers.
no doubt it will rain later, and no doubt i’ll panic about chemistry paper three and history paper three later, but right now, i’m enjoying the soft quietness, the violin music of the clouds, and the cherry blossom.
*title: the harvest bow//seamus heaney
which is why–
hi!
i’m so sick of studying! but i’m getting through it. only a week and a half more of exams.
haven’t had any time since the last post to write because of studying and swimming etc i’ll post more probably on friday, i’ve got chemistry friday morning which means i’ll spend all day and all night tomorrow studying and worrying and panicking, so friday it is!
home
it’s the weirdest feeling, coming back from the hague today. i can’t believe that only this morning i was sitting down for the last breakfast with my host family.
i loved my host family, but i must admit the first afternoon with them was a wee bit overwhelming.
here, i’m used to people being much more reserved, but in the first hour with my host family, we discussed both my host mother’s and father’s jobs and hopes for the future, death, loneliness, burning out on work, and several other subjects that most people i know here would consider quite personal. it was so bizarre.
then during dinner, my host mother shared a proverb that she loved, and was moved to tears. i sat there half shocked, half wondering if this was real or in my imagination, while my host sister grinned at me from across the table and my host father nodded slowly in a rather neutral way.
but they were so sweet, and were so good to me. merel and i got along so well, too–although she beat me when we played yahtzee by about 100 points.
the trip was good–i don’t know what to say about it. there’re so many things that happened. and i’m not done processing it by a long shot–really don’t feel like writing anything, but at the same time…m’eh.
it’s so weird, this apathetic mood. i don’t feel apathetic at all–and so i don’t see how this mood takes over–but it does and i can’t write. so, until tomorrow. maybe.
